i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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