He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
