I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
