it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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