Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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