There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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