WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think people are normalizing furries
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize