Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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