ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
