I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
