Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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