fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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