This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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