omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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