I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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