Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
