just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize