The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
