Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
