Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
