Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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