At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
