The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
