no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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