Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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