he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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