yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
