All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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