he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
