Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
