sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
