new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
