The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My vagina is officially offended.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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