People in love make me want to vomit
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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