Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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