Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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