Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
