Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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