yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize