Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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