I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
