i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
