What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
