Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I AM VODKA MAN
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
