I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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