Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
