She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
