I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
