yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
