Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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