So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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