i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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