We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
