i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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