just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We don't watch enough power rangers
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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