I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
