I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
