In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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