everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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