Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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