Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
