I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
