Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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