i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
