My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
