im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
