i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
