i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The ass gains better be worth it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
