Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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