apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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