and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
