My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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