You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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