I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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