Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
