So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm bleeding and have questions
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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