He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
