Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
