OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
